PEGGING ~ WHO'S ON TOP?

  If you haven’t heard the term, you’re probably familiar with the concept whether you’ve experimented with it, or not.  “Pegging” defined as the act of intercourse where a woman inserts a strap-on dildo into the anus of a man. 

  If you’re butt cheeks just clenched, or a thought bubble with a question mark just appeared above your head keep reading if not for the enjoyment of the topic, at least for a little education and some conversational fodder.  The concept of Pegging really started to take hold back in the late 90’s when the ‘edu-porn’ movie Bend Over Boyfriend first came out.  With the release of the movie discussion about the topic became more and more widespread, and slowly awareness about this growing phenomena was coming to light, even to the point Prostate Massage made the mainstream in an unforgettable scene in the 2000 dude comedy movie Road Trip (Google it).  All of a sudden a growing number of men were discovering that they enjoyed anal stimulation even though they weren’t gay, and that it was ok.  At this point though, there still wasn’t a term for the act of Pegging.  So in 2001 infamous sex columnist Dan Savage came up with a contest amongst his fans to give a name to the act.  After numerous submissions ‘Pegging’ was bestowed as the term of choice.

  Now for those that are still sitting there with clenched cheeks, and wandering why the h-e-double hockey sticks some guys are into this.  Well there are a couple of reasons.  First is the psychological turn on some men get from being submissive, and penetrated by someone can be quite intoxicating.  This can hold especially true for men in positions of power where being the dominant person in numerous environments needs to take a rest on occasion so another state of being can be experienced.  Aside from the mental aspect there is the physiological aspect as well; it just plain feels good.  The anus is heavily endowed with one of the richest concentration of nerve endings on the human body, and is the gateway to the male G-spot, or P-spot (for prostate) as it’s more affectionately called.  Stimulation of the P-spot can induce powerful orgasms, and is good for the overall health of the organ by bringing in a fresh flow of blood and nutrients to it, and all of the other surrounding organs.

  With the male side of the question answered some of you ladies might be wandering what’s in it for me, after all isn’t it already easy enough for him, what about my needs?  Well maybe one of your wants, or needs is to be the dominant in a given session, or you simply want to help fulfill the fantasy your partner craves.  You may even find yourself really enjoying the novelty of the role-reversal your experimenting with.  As far as equipment goes, don’t worry the sex toy industry already been thinking about these things for you and have come out with some really cool designs for ergonomic double-ended dildos.  Toys like the Feeldoe, or Share are designed for both the pleasure of the giver, and the receiver.  When in use these dills will ply on the front wall of the vagina, so as to target all of the nerve endings located there while giving a gentle vibration that emanates from the base of the toy. 

  So now that you’re thinking hmm perhaps we should give this a shot, or at least talk about it a little more you’ll need to stock up on a few supplies.  Namely you’ll need a strap-on harness, a dildo of your choosing, and a bottle of good quality water-based lube.   Then as with all things anal you’ll need a lot of foreplay, and some mandatory knowledge of the topic prior to setting the scene.  Aside from that you’re on your way into a new facet of erotic adventure sparked by creativity, pleasure, and fun.  Enjoy!

HYPNOTIC SEXUALITY ~ YES PLEASE!

  Ever heard of Erotic Hypnosis? It’s the act of influencing another person’s sexuality by affecting their perceptions around certain topics, or opening their willingness to experience certain things.  What that means in a nutshell is you’re allowing your mind to be opened to the power of suggestion so that erotic possibilities that have been locked inside you for a long time are allowed to come out and play.  For many couples in long-term relationships they are looking for that little spark to ignite the intensity they felt when they were first falling in love.  While others are looking for ways to break their own mental programming to achieve more, and or better sexual experiences.  On the 7^th of June we’re holding a couples workshop at our Squamish store with Sylvia Rayner CSH, CTHt. who will spend a couple of hours bringing a handful of willing couples some great information, and tools about Erotic Hypnosis that they can bring back into their own relationships to build greater intimacy with.

  For those of us that have experienced truly great sex, you’ll be able to relate to that trance like feeling you get, where you and your partner are completely lost within a lingering moment.  A place where time becomes completely irrelavent, as your bodies and spirits merge into something that words fall short of, but can be only described as pure emotional bliss.  This trance like hypnotic state is no accident, but rather an example of a growing body of evidence to support a theory that both trance like states and sexuality are connected via the part of the brain they’re operating from. 

  When we’re hypnotized we delve into a state of trance, and we can become open to communication that is allowed to pass right past the frontal lobe of the brain (which is responsible for our executive functions) and into the limbic brain, which is responsible for emotions, behaviour, and motivation amongst other things.  In effect hypnotic suggestions are passing right by the secretary, and walking right into the sexual arousal boardroom.  While we’re here verbal triggers can be introduced that will get your partner to recall certain emotions, or ways to act post-hypnosis.

  If you happen to be around the Squamish store before the 7^th please come and register for the class.  If not check to see if there are any hypnotists in your area that offer Erotic Hypnosis.  Sex is a creative process, and our minds our most powerful sexual organ.  By tapping into that sexual power, and igniting the creativity that resides in all of us we can turn stale toast into spicy salsa, and infuse love, lust, and good old-fashioned sass into all the corners of our life!

POSTION OF THE WEEK ~ REVERSE COWGIRL

  So there you are deep in the throes of a fun and sloppy 69 session and your tongue and jaw are starting to get a little sore, and you’re thinking how should we take this to the next level.  Well why not fluidly slide a new position like the Reverse Cowgirl (or Cowboy depending on which way you swing) into the mix.  This is a classic woman on top position that can really cover a lot of ground while giving you the control you want or need to shift your sexual responses up a notch.

  To move into the position make sure your partner is lying on their back, and then straddle them with your face looking away from them and your butt pointing towards them.  As we mentioned earlier this is great to flow into from a 69 position because you’ll both be well-lubricated making penetration really easy.  Alternately putting a drop of lube on his penis and rubbing it in for a minute will really warm things up.  When you’re ready squat, or kneel on his erect penis, or your partner’s dildo.  Now you’re in complete control.  You can control the speed and depth of penetration to suit your mood, or grind your hips forward, backward and in circles.  This is also really great position for hitting the g-spot because whatever’s penetrating you (be it dildo, or penis) it will be brushing its head back and forth right against it.  To accentuate this sensation even more arch your back so the angle to your g-spot is even more acute.  You’ll also note how easy it is to play with your clit while being penetrated from this angle.  If you have a little clitoral vibrator near by like the Siri fire it up and massage yourself with it as you grind away. 

  While all this is going on your partner will be enjoying the excellent view of your butt, which if you so desire may also be a great segue into some light, or advanced anal play.  Assuming your partner is male, and you’d really like to blow his mind start playing with his balls while you’re on top.  Depending on how wet you are, or if you need a few drops of lube you can either gently caress them, or be a little more aggressive by creating an o ring with your thumb and forefinger and pulling down on the scrotum just above the balls.  When you’re ready to move into your next position going from here to doggie style is a really quick flip, simply have him slide out, and come at you from behind.  You can even pass him the Siri if you want to keep the clitoral play going.

  

  In the past if you’ve tried reverse cowgirl and it hasn’t been your thing give it another shot.  Overtime our bodies change and what might have been ‘meh’ at one time of your life, may be just the thing you’re craving now, and you don’t even know it yet.

MISMATCHED LIBIDOS? IT'S NORMAL

  Over the years working at Trinity Romance Shop many people will openly chat about issues within their love life, while looking for accessories to liven things up.  One of the more prevalent themes that seem to get brought up from time-to-time is that the person they’re seeing just doesn’t seem to have the same libido that they do.   The issue that they’re not realizing is that this is not a problem, but rather a state of the human condition.  Much like the fact we are all individuals as people we are all individuals as sexual beings as well, and the concept of sexual individualism is responsible for our sexual appetites.   These days most people can agree to the theory that sexuality is defined differently for each individual.  For a few reasons though this theory that we can generally identify with hasn’t sunk into our collective belief system yet, with the result being sometimes tension is created in relationships where a couples libido’s just aren’t on the same page. 

  Like many things that persist in our society the phenomena of sexual disconnect can be traced back in parts to the way media promotes sexuality and the feeling that is evoked of trying to keep up with the sexual Jones’s.  In this perceived reality size matters, orgasms are the end all and be all, and hard core sex the norm.  This message is hammered home so frequently that it’s relatively easy to connect the dots of how belief systems around how our sex lives should be becomes so entrenched in our collective psyche.

  The contradiction of our societies relatively newfound freedom of sexual expression is that while our understanding of the mechanics of sex, and relationships has increased greatly in recent decades, our capacity to accept each others own individual libido types without expectations has not.  Often times this will lead to feelings of rejection, hurt, and frustration within the relationship.  Then when our sex lives aren’t as great as we envision them we think that something must be wrong somewhere and doubts about our own sexual abilities, or if our partner loves us equally start to work their way into our minds.  It’s fair to say that the sexual messaging we’re receiving and reality of being in a relationship are two entirely different things.

  To deal with mismatched libidos within a relationship either as a couple, or within a poly family you need to identify what’s happening in each others “right now” reality by practicing open heart communication.  Work on receiving your partner’s information, appreciate their point of view, summarize what you think they’re saying, and finally ask your own questions.  This will allow each other to understand the issues each individual is experiencing while exploring strategies to bridge them.  Knowing what your own wants and needs are and how they mesh with your partners libido will help you each find meaningful solutions in your relationships so that a mutual respect for each others own unique sexual appetites is built and appreciated in all the beauty that they are.

SEX-ED, LET’S DO THIS THING!

  The debate over sex education is once again being rehashed in the halls of power.  A recent exhibit in the Museum of Science and Technology in Ottawa has garnered a lot of interest of late.  Sex: A Tell All Exhibition was designed by the Montreal Science Centre to compliment sexual health curriculums, and is targeted to a 12 year old and up audience to align with the physical, and emotional changes they’re experiencing in a way that engages them on their level.  To date the exhibit has been shown in both Montreal, and Regina with great success and little complaint.  However after opening in Ottawa it has received numerous people requesting the need to edit it, or shut it down all together.  The cries have reached enough of a fever pitch that Conservative Heritage Minister James Moore has chosen to use his political clout to complain enough that the museum made changes to the exhibit by raising the age level to 16, and pulled a movie about the topic of masturbation.

  When issues like this arise a plethora of questions bubble up into the collective conscious.  To begin with we need to objectively look at what is the purpose of an exhibit like this, and why did the professional educators and scientists deem it necessary?  It doesn’t take a Social Sciences professor to conclude that now more than ever before we have greater access to a wide variety of sexually explicit content, and the conversation about the sexual media we’re engaging in is lacking, or just plain non-existent.  What fills the place of conversation is ad driven media that quite frankly is designed to titillate rather than educate.  At 12 years old boys and girls are experiencing urges, and experimenting with their burgeoning sexuality hence the need for exhibits like this to engage youth in a matter of fact way that relates to them about these new emotional and physical changes. 

   One Conservative minister actually had the audacity to say “this educational exhibit didn’t have anything do with science” (biology anybody?), and that the exhibit goes “much farther than anything he learned in school.”  Well that pretty much sums up the problem doesn’t it?  In this day and age if we fail to educate our children with the facts, and the maturity to deal with abundance of information out there at a time in their life when they’re biologically ready to experiment with these new-found capabilities than they are going to figure it out for themselves by making a series of choices that may not always be good ones.  Granted they could get in trouble regardless of how well you teach them, but at the very least your mitigating that risk by providing them the tools they need to navigate the waters around masturbation, sexual identity, and STI’s by having a mature conversation.  In our eyes it’s encouraging to see an exhibit like this come about.  It builds on the classroom style set up that some students simply don’t engage with and gives it an interactive engaged platform to build a conversation off of.

  Sexuality is a normal human function, and the more adept we get at having the discussion about what feels good, and safe ways to practice fantasies the better off we’ll all be.  The closet isn’t a place where we should feel we have to keep our sexual proclivities, unless of course that’s your thing.  Breaking down these barriers around our fear of sexuality must be done through education.  It’s not only the smart thing to do; it’s the right thing to do as well.